Today I was listening to a podcast that briefly said our perception of the world depends on the idea of whether we were surrounded by “wolves” or “sheep” in childhood. This thought set my head spinning and ended in a complete “A-ha!” moment (enough so that I felt the need to document it and share it with the internet world). Wolves and sheep. Wolves being the people we feel victim to— people who wrong us or manipulate us, people who misunderstand us, people we sometimes fear and don’t trust, etc. Sheep are those we see as intrinsically good—no malice is meant by their actions and they behave in ways to reduce the harm they put into the world.
My “A-ha!” moment came as I was applying this idea to my own life. Now bear with me, I am using my history as an example because it is what I am most familiar with and I think a lot of people can relate (for most millennials like myself, this post would be followed by a “#vulnerability”). I had a lot growing up—my parents provided well, I had safety and security, I was physically taken care of in every way with a nice home, clothes, shoes, food, everything I ever physically needed. It wasn’t until I became a therapist and had therapy myself that I recognized I lacked emotional safety at various times throughout my childhood. This is a common theme I see in my clients—we are often told, implicitly or indirectly, that we cannot make mistakes or that we cannot have strong emotions or that we are not good enough or that we are not loveable. But I HAD parents to tell me they loved me and give me hugs, so what does it mean to not have emotional safety?
I think this is where my upbringing in a small town plays a huge role in feeling emotionally unsafe. I was living in a fish bowl and my small town was my audience—knowing who I was with, what I was doing, and engaging in that typical ole’ small town talk on the daily. I’ve seen this so many times with clients, even in big cities, where there is a subset of people (i.e. schools, church groups, mom clubs, etc.). I learned from a very young age that when I did something wrong I better own up to it by telling the world and then minimize it with a joke at my own expense before anyone, family or small town gossips, could do it first. In my mind, if I was mean to myself it would take the sting out of other people getting to the punchline later on. Every time this happened, every time a teacher or family member treated me with a lack of compassion, every time I lacked emotional support and understanding, it reinforced in my head that I was surrounded by wolves. My earliest memory of this was at 8 years old when a neighbor called my parents to tell them I was misbehaving at a basketball game before I even got home (when I asked how they knew, my dad responded “Well, it was on the radio.”—such a true statement for any small town!), and each occurrence throughout my adolescent years, I literally felt like I was surrounded by wolves who wanted to tear me apart.
So how did this affect me, you ask? It made me look at that world defensively and I would often act aggressively (verbally and physically at times) without understanding the impact I had on other people in return. I was emotionally hardened and I didn’t forgive easily. I became a wolf towards others as a defense. In my eyes, I needed to protect myself from all of those wolves because I was full of insecurities. I had nobody to validate my emotions or to sit down with me to really understand where they were coming from.
Now I have a different view. Being a wife, a mother, and a therapist changed all that for me—not immediately, but over time I found healing. I found that most other people around me are sheep. My husband was probably the first person to help me realize this (and he probably doesn’t even know it!). He helps me understand when I am looking at something irrationally and is someone who can see both sides of the story really well. He’s basically the human form of a calculator that really balances out my, sometimes, irrational mind. It sounds funny, but he is a sheep that can see the sheep in people—the goodness, the kind-heartedness, and the positive intentions of other people that says they are not here to hurt me. His perspective has really helped me open up to people I previously viewed as dangerous. For instance, a friendship I always kept at a distance because of my own insecurities, mostly jealousy and self-judgment, has recently grown stronger because of my insights that the other person is not judging me the way I am judging me. This person really is a sheep that I perceived as a wolf.
Being a mother and therapist have opened my eyes, too. I look at my daughter and I see the blank slate we are all given from birth—that every child is worthy of love and belonging and their own feelings (and trust me, my kiddo has A LOT of them, especially in grocery stores or restaurants or anywhere we have an audience really). Therefore, when speaking with my clients, it is important to help them recognize that inherently, they are also worthy of love and belonging and their own feelings. To give my daughter, my clients, and myself the platform, the basis for emotional safety is my goal. With emotional safety we can look at others from a place of empathy and understanding, just as we want for ourselves. It would allow us to look at others as sheep, not as wolves.
But what about the real wolves in our lives—the ones who continue doing us wrong? First, the idea of sheep versus wolves is meant to help us understand our own perceptions better and the impact of our upbringing on our views. Our insights help us to be better people and react in ways that are emotionally healthy for ourselves and those around us. Second, it helps us evaluate the amount of energy we put into upholding such relationships and what healthy boundaries look like in that situation. You have the right to look at that person with empathy to better understand how they got that way, but you also have the right to set up healthy boundaries with those wolves for your best interest. Some wolves may always be wolves, but you can be a sheep and surround yourself with other sheep.
I challenge you to look at your own life. Were you surrounded by wolves or sheep growing up? How does that affect you today? How can you alter your perception to see the sheep around you?
Side story: I want to make note of a memorable time I was treated with kindness, my recognition of someone acting as a “sheep” toward me. My senior year of high school I began to recognize I didn’t excel at most things—athletics, math, science, technology—pretty much any skill I could go to college for and earn a livable wage with. However, I had one semester of a psychology course that I was so interested in, my excitement was seeping out of my pores! Now, when I think of describing myself, intelligent is not typically the first adjective that comes to mind since I was never #1 in any class, but that is what was rewarded on Honors Night in my small town. The same three people earned rewards for every class that night. BUT that night I earned the medal of honor for my first psychology class and I attribute that to that high school teacher, Mr. Dunklau, who saw my excitement, gave me that award, and changed my life forever. That night I began considering a Psychology major for undergrad, I changed my major from “undecided,” and I set off my career as a therapist that has given me so much self-understanding and success in private practice. I will be forever grateful for that act of kindness. In my history of wolves, I encountered a sheep from time to time.
I've noticed a few common thoughts and perceptions among clients about what it means to see a therapist, many of whom are skeptical of seeking counseling or trusting another with their personal stories. It is not my goal to speak for all therapists, but speak a little truth to the myths I have encountered about therapists in my five years of practice.
1. A therapist’s life is always perfect.
address our own life events or problematic relationships. Nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes—therapists aren’t exempt and everyone could use an objective view sometimes.
2. Therapists always know what to say.
Sometimes it seems like there are a hundred times a day where I cannot find the words to say—after a client shares their traumatic history or a recent flashback, when I am questioning how much a client can handle emotionally, or heck, when I have to make stupid small talk about the Nebraska weather before hunkering down into the “real” talk. In those moments my most powerful tool is empathic listening. Hearing their full stories and validating that what they have experienced is real and their emotions are worthy.
Many of you who know me personally know that I am a talker. I always have been—I can go a million miles a minute since the age of 3. But that also leads me to put my foot in my mouth, sometimes multiple times a day! What can I say, it’s a gift I’ve been blessed with. Luckily, I have also been blessed with clients who are understanding and forgiving when I speak out of place at times. Many therapists can tap into their vulnerabilities, where if we own our flaws (mine being my impulsive mouth) and ask for forgiveness, our clients will usually give us a little grace so trust can be regained. It also shows our clients how to be vulnerable and repair their mishaps themselves.
3. Therapists always have the answers.
Easy answer: we don’t. We may know tools or techniques that have worked for other clients in similar situations, but we know each person’s experience is unique. What works for one person may not work for another, so my practice as a therapist is mostly “trial and error.” We try something and wait to see if it works or reduces my clients’ distress. If it doesn’t, we go back to the drawing board and try again for another solution.
Also, we all hate know-it-alls. Most therapists do their best to relate to their clients rather than talk down to them. Sure, we may know how to best help you, but sometimes if our clients work with us collaboratively to figure out their own solutions, they work better. They can own it and that can make all the difference in the outcome of therapy.
4. Therapists always have to be serious.
delving into deep emotions in session, but we all need to let off a little steam before heading back into the real world.
5. Therapists want your money.
insights, and having a person to help them solve the puzzle of life with. Most therapists I know have a deep, intrinsic desire to help others. Professionally, I would rather work for free with a thousand clients who want to be there and who are accepting of help than to work with someone who resented having to spend their time with me. Most therapists I know have pro-bono clients or have passed up a co-pay when a client is struggling financially because we want to help. Plain and simple. However, I’m sure you can appreciate that we all have bills and our time/expertise is worth something, preferably money over gum or homemade goods (both of which I have been offered and declined for payment). Just kidding, I definitely accepted the food along with payment, and to this day it is still the best peanut brittle I have ever eaten.
6. Therapists are judging you.
Our careers are built on compassion. We aim to understand your history and your trauma with an open mind and heart. We understand that you are not the only person involved in your trauma history and we feel for you. Can we get caught up in first impressions sometimes? Sure, we’re human. But we do our best to look past that because it is our job and our desire to help others on an emotional level. I have been able to relate to clients who are vastly different than me on almost every level—politically, spiritually, emotionally, lifestyle, etc.—and many times these clients have challenged me to grow emotionally and become more open myself.
7. Therapists can always help.
everything negative they thought they knew about themselves. Maybe. We can only work so hard for our clients and maintain our own sanity at the same time. We have to be met in the middle by our clients; there has to be a want, a desire to change in some capacity. There has to be a want, a desire to maintain this relationship and learn to trust in some capacity.
8. Therapists are therapists 24/7.
Every day when I leave my office, I imagine leaving my clients there too. I get in my car and take a deep breath before driving home because my husband needs a wife, my daughter needs a mom, and my friends need a friend in return. I take off my “therapist hat” and leave it in my office because my job can be emotionally exhausting at times and I need a break. My neighbors don’t see me as a therapist (I swear too much for that), my family doesn’t see me as a therapist (I talk too much for that), and my husband doesn’t see me as a therapist (I bet he’d rather find one who hasn’t birthed his children and doesn’t nag him about the trash, if he were to ever need one). Just like any other person needs a break from their job, therapists do to. That is probably why chefs often make themselves quick meals after a late shift, landscapers rarely put their lawn first, and elementary teachers like to unwind with an entire bottle of wine surrounded by adults on Friday nights (from what my teacher friends have told me!).
So, there you have it. A little insight into what being a therapist is actually like. I hope this is helpful for those of you considering counseling or are questioning the process. Drop me a line or a comment if I missed anything or if there is another myth to set straight! It’s late on a Wednesday and I’ve been distracted by this Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon episode so I am sure I missed something!
There are times in my career when I notice myself explaining one concept to several clients because it relates so stinkin' well. Lately I have been focused on vulnerability, a quality that helps us as humans connect with others, nurture ourselves, and take ownership of our faults.
I have noticed a high correlation between my clients who are embracing (or who are on their way toward embracing) vulnerability and their empathic qualities. The definition of empathy is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” I think a true empath takes this definition one step further to include a high level of emotional intelligence (E.Q.), which is a person’s ability to understand how their emotions and actions impact other people. An empath is sensitive to the emotions, and often discomfort, sensed in those they interact with; then they respond in a way that makes other people most comfortable, otherwise they will absorb the discomfort the other person exudes.
For instance, a person who is highly sensitive to emotions but has experienced a childhood of invulnerability or inability to talk about their emotions with their family may learn that their emotions are not welcome—hide them in the closet so nobody can see the imperfections on the outside. Or perhaps a highly sensitive person who feels rejection from a parent through abandonment or unacceptance of feelings (e.g., “Oh honey, you shouldn’t feel that way.”) may learn to match that level of invulnerability. However, they are still dealing with high intensity emotions of themselves and others internally.
I think it is important to understand the positives and negatives of being an empath. These people are not doomed; in fact, there are significant pros to this quality and it is much easier to help a client who has excessive empathy to find balance than it is to help a sociopath to experience empathy in the first place.
What I often help clients attain is a sense of balance between extremes; the extreme on one end is a complete lack of empathy and on the other is being an empath. I work with clients to find the middle ground, the “gray area,” which allows them to experience the emotions of other people, but continue to live their life as if it is their own and in their best interests. This helps my clients finally learn the art of sharing their emotions healthily, acknowledging the discomfort of the other person, managing their own emotional response to them, and accepting or behaving as their authentic selves.
Many of my clients hear me refer to a “spectrum” of various life aspects (i.e. passivity/assertiveness, self-hate/self-love, caring for self/caring for others, etc.) as I have with empathy in this blog post. Find the balance. That is the best thing I can help my clients do. In everything in life, find the balance.
You know those times when you hear something that is all too funny and all too real at the same time? Well that happened today as I was working up a sweat at the gym and listening to the “Date Em or Dump Em” segment on the radio this morning (shoutout to JP & Lauren with Husker Nick at KX 96.9 for the hilarity that ensued today—check out the podcast uploaded online on 01/18/18 for Hannah and Scott). Now I’ve been a counselor for about five years and the story Hannah and Scott shared has become all too common. Granted, my ears have heard stories that are more innocent, but this relationship stuff happens ALL. THE. TIME.
Scott met on an online dating website, they had a mini sleepover on the first date where Hannah “tested the limits" sexually, and Scott straight-up ghosted her thereafter. For those of you out of the dating game for a while, ghosting is when a person of interest says they’ll call but instead they go radio silent and disappear. That brings us to this morning when Hannah called into the radio for a little help in contacting Scott.
Let’s start with Hannah. There are a few things that our mothers were right about: 1) All the best things in life (even relationships!) come with time and 2) Patience is a virtue. If you have been single long enough to say, “Hey, I think I’ll give online dating a shot!,” then I think being single for another 3-4 dates wouldn’t kill anyone. Getting past this "I want what I want, and I need to have it now!" mentality means that we have to look for love and acceptance in less physical ways in the early stages of relationships.
Also, that time we take to talk and show who we really are allows us to build trust. In the counseling field we call that rapport, the crux of every relationship, and it allows other people to accept our quirks/flaws/freakiness (in Hannah’s case) because the other person knows we have other endearing qualities that make up for them. For instance, say I was the world’s worst driver and cars are really important to my husband—neither of those are true, but let’s just say. Likelihood is that while I was dating my husband, he would have been able to overlook my dented up car because he saw that I am compassionate, caring, playful, love little puppies, etc. In Hannah’s case, it's important to show him her good qualities before she brings a razor and shackles to the bedroom. LET HIM SEE YOU PET SOME DANG KITTIES! Simple first impression rules here.
The excuse I heard in this segment is that Hannah wanted to “see if there was a connection.” If there is an emotional connection on the first date, there might be an emotional connection on the third or fifth date. Stronger connection = better sex (or more understanding and desire to work out the kinks). The idea of patience may also save us from going too far with someone whose emotional connection fades with time. This wasn't mentioned on the radio, but I’ve also heard clients say they want to ensure “the equipment is working.” Let me reassure you that it is probably working fine, and all machinery works at its highest capacity when operated effectively and the instruction manual is followed. Get my drift? Good. Let’s move on!
Now Scott. He sounds like a nice guy, right? Super-innocent in all this, huh? Well he plays a part, too. I truly believe Scott had every intention of being a good guy by following Hannah’s lead. However, he was unable to handle some high-intensity emotions (i.e. Hannah’s search for connection) and couldn’t assert himself during or after the date. Asserting yourself doesn’t mean you have to be rude or disrespectful—it’s gotten a bad rap for that. Instead, it means that you can speak up for the best interests of yourself to avoid negative consequences (in this case, being bound, blindfolded, and fearing for your life as your date is now holding a razor to you). For a people pleaser like Scott, it could start with practicing saying "No" and becoming comfortable with the fact that the other person might not respond the way you hope. You can learn to assert yourself in a healthy way: “Hannah, it’s really tempting to [insert verb] with you, but I’d like to keep things PG tonight.” or “Hey, I’m a little uncomfortable right now. I’d really like to see what’s going on and enjoy the moment with you.” Easy-peasy.
Overall, what I see the most in the troubling relationships brought to me by clients is one person’s desire for acceptance, love, affection, nurturance, etc. and their partner’s inability to effectively respond. The eternal cat-and-mouse game. The most important lesson I leave you with is that self-understanding and communication are key in any relationship, all the way in the beginning. Working to love and nurture ourselves is the best way to ensure we find a partner who will do the same. As I always say in session, “healthy people attract healthy people!”
**NOTE: This therapist has no affiliation with KX 96.9 or the DJs mentioned in this article, aside from laughing at their comments like a geek while I was about 13 minutes and 40 seconds into my treadmill run today. Thanks for the tunes during the remaining 16 minutes and 20 seconds of my run this morning! :)
Therapy can be ugly sometimes. It can be raw. It can be painful. It can be the best thing to happen in someone’s life, in terms of emotional relief and clarity. It can be the worst thing to happen in someone’s life, in terms of awareness of their traumas or their own behaviors impacting their happiness. A part of my job as a therapist is to be real with my clients, and sometimes that means I get to cuss like a sailor.
That’s right, my swear jar is overflowing, but there is a method to my madness in session.
I often work with clients who in some way have been told, either consciously or subconsciously, “Do not show your emotions.” This can happen in various forms during development: a parent telling their young child to go to their room if they want to “throw a fit” (i.e. express anger), being given a dirty look by a friend when you express how they hurt you, being told by a coach to “suck it up” when you are experiencing pain, etc. By the time clients reach my office, many are conditioned to ignore their emotions instead of acknowledging them and reacting in healthy ways. I have heard clients speak of their past emotional, physical, or sexual assailants with such indifference, you would think their perpetrator was just a stranger in the store. Other clients have told me forthright, “Well there’s nothing I can do about it,” as if the feelings from their traumas should be swept under a rug because they feel helpless.
I have a responsibility to my clients in these cases. A responsibility to help them understand that emotions are not the enemy; they are okay and they serve a purpose (whether it is to protect us in the future, to help us follow our instincts, to help us work through past traumas, etc.). Clients are given a safe space to air their grievances in session, no matter how ugly it may sound. No judgments are made about the tears shed or the amount of profanity that is used.
I like to point out my clients’ ability to handle these difficult emotions in session and give them time to regroup before facing the world again. We can handle these emotions better than we think, and sometimes it takes a safe space to learn these emotion management skills. We can handle them, we can cope with them in healthy ways, we can share them, and we can grow from them.
For those of you reading this blog, I encourage you to share your feelings with someone supportive once daily. You will probably be surprised by their response—empathy, an open ear, and connection would be my guess.
In my attempt to stay socially connected, I joined up with a group of neighbors and friends for a book club about six months ago. It is always a fun time grabbing a bite to eat over some light conversation (approximately 5% of which is about the month's book choice). We have never put any pressure on one another to read the books, so until our last book club night, I hadn’t. Whoops!
There are certain times in my life when I choose to separate being a mother/wife, friend/neighbor, and being a mental health/substance use practitioner. There have been times when my clients have seen me in public when I am wearing my “mom hat” and I am chasing my daughter who is running away from me in cereal aisle at the grocery store. There are other times when I have my “friend hat” on and the therapy techniques I use in session fly out the window, along with any self-restraint I use at work with my potty-mouth. I try to keep the time I spend in the office as work time, and keep home time as home time (unless I have a client experiencing an emergency). Well I finally read our book of the month, The Wonder by Emma Donoghue, and I could not interpret this book from anywhere else than my “therapist hat.” This may explain why I had been finishing the final pages over my lunch break and between sessions in the office.
So often in my career as a therapist have people shared with me their histories filled with trauma, big and small, that have affected their worldview and sense of self-worth. Our histories make us interesting and unique, but they can also be the source of tremendous pain that leave us feeling helpless. My job enables me to help my clients escape the darkness, similar to the caretaker in this novel, and move forward with their lives. Unfortunately, my clients often cannot move forward until they fully understand the impact of their past and develop healthy coping skills to deal with the painful feelings they share in session. This means therapy may take time and cannot be rushed.
The child in this book is ultimately rescued from her situation and has a happy ending (no details—I do not want to spoil it!). However, the moral of this story is exactly what I enjoy about my work—I get to reach out my hand and comfort my clients as I learn about their history and help them walk toward their happy ending. If you are looking to begin the recovery process, let me walk with you.
For a more in-depth review, click here.
It’s happened. The presidential election has come and gone, leaving some to feel victorious and others to feel distraught. One of the most challenging things we may experience right now is a division in political beliefs within your own household. However, this does not have to be the demise of a relationship. Let this blog post be a place of insight that can help you and your significant other tread the waters of democracy together peacefully.
Relationship expert, John Gottman PhD, discovered in his many years of research that he could predict whether a couple would remain married or divorce based on four types of unhealthy communication that may or may not be present in a relationship. Known as the “four horsemen of the apocalypse,” these communication techniques include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Each of these unhealthy communication patterns were present in our homes, whether we liked it or not, through the televised debates and smear advertising campaigns endorsed by both republican and democratic parties. This does not have to set the tone for your marriage for the next four years; that is, if you do not allow it to.
This concept may be the easiest to spot when disagreeing with another person. It happens when someone specifically targets characteristics of another person. This is different from the term complaining, which is actually a more positive communication technique because it specifically targets another person’s behavior or action rather than the person themselves.
What it looks like: Criticism can take many forms: belittling, name-calling, generalizing negative personality traits by using “always” and “never” statements without any solid proof. An example could be a person telling their spouse, with the recent election in mind, “I can’t believe you voted for ______. You never think about how your actions with affect the people around you, and your vote tells me how selfish and ignorant you are. I can’t believe I married someone like you.”
What to do instead: Focus on specific behaviors, use “I statements,” and offer a solution for change. A little compassion and understanding goes a long way in this scenario as well. We are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs; you may be one marital unit, but you both have different DNA, different fingerprints, different upbringings, so your political stance does not need to be identical. A statement without criticism would be, “We voted for different people, and that is okay. However, I do not appreciate your negative remarks about my candidate of choice. Could we make an agreement to respect one another’s decision to vote for who we choose?” Understanding, check. Behavior complaint, check. Solution, double check.
This one is tricky, and is considered to be the most destructive to the marital bliss we always dreamed about. Contempt is when someone holds resentments, is disrespectful, or is hostile towards their partner. It can be disguised as humor with sarcasm, in which small jabs can be taken at one another. Contempt can also be as minor as a facial expression (e.g. sneers, rolling eyes).
What it looks like: In the aftermath of this election, contempt has mostly taken the form of hostility and condescension. Telling people they are wrong or making people feel insignificant or unknowing is unfair; we are all adults that have reasons for our beliefs and, ultimately, for our vote. With contempt, the positives are discounted, as if they never happened, and the negatives are held against the other at all costs. If you tell me that contempt did not overcome this election, then I am calling
B-S. Good try!
What to do instead: There is no simple fix for contempt. It is sneaky and hard to identify in the heat of the moment. One solution is to develop an appreciation for your partner and accept their stance, no matter what, because their political views are not what you fell in love with. Respect their decisions, but remember that their humor, their warmth, their morning bed-head, or whatever little qualities you fell in love with are still present. Neither political party took that away.
This communication is the response to criticism and contempt, an effort to defend themselves when feeling attacked. However, this rarely ends an argument and usually leads to saying things that are damaging to your relationship. Defensiveness is an easy trap to fall into when we feel injustice or wronged, but all you are doing is protecting your pride. It is self-serving and not for the good of your relationship as a whole.
What it looks like: Blaming others, arguing in a “one-upping” way, repeating your stance on a topic but ignoring the input of the other person. For example, the continuous back and forth conversations exclaiming, “But what about the racism? The sexism?” and replies of, “But what about the emails? The investigations?” This argument could go around in circles for hours with no resolve.
What to do instead: Have control of your reactions. Ever heard the phrase, “You attract more flies with honey than vinegar?” This is a perfect example of when respect and understanding for your partner’s opinions would land you a calm conversation, and would potentially give them an opportunity to peacefully talk about your views as well. No matter how much you are provoked, you always have the choice in your reactions. Choose healthy communication. The future of your marriage depends on it.
This communication style, or lack thereof, is when a partner refuses to interact during an argument. This is when a person shuts down emotionally and verbally, or removes themselves from the argument with the intention of sweeping the issue under the rug.
What it looks like: Ignoring or tuning the other person out, refusing to speak, avoiding conflict at all costs, or physically leaving an argument. Avoiding the issue only escalates the emotions, adding fuel to later fights rather than putting out the original flame in the first place. How many household political arguments ended in radio silence and sleeping on opposite ends of the bed this election cycle? Probably more than either of us can count. Was it worth the damage done to their communication? Never.
What to do instead: Work on being honest with one another and accepting each other unconditionally. Honesty means airing grievances or complaints in a respectful tone, and working together to reach a compromise. Even if that compromise is “to agree to disagree.”
Overall, the next four years will come and go, and if you were serious about your marital vows, no political stance should make your marriage vulnerable. If you have seen these unhealthy communication tactics in your own marriage, hope is not lost. Sit down with your partner and determine the next steps, whether it is coming to a mutual compromise or gaining an objective view through counseling. Invest in your marriage. After all, it is your significant other sharing your bed for the next four years, not a politician.
Williams, M. (2012). Couples Counseling: A Step by Step Guide for Therapists.